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So… Today I was told to go home and hang myself… Because no one would miss me. Well you know what? I actually thought about doing it for a while. Had the whole thing planned out for when I got home from school. But then something stopped me… One of my few friends hugged me and told me they had heard what the guy had told me… Then he said “Don’t worry. I’ve already had a talk with him. Please don’t kill yourself… I love you.” And in that moment I really didn’t want to die anymore. Because no matter what people tell me, there are always people out in the world that love me and wouldn’t want me to die. Thanks to my best friend… I’m alive to write this.


“No, you don’t know what it’s like 
When nothing feels all right 
You don’t know what it’s like 
To be like me 
To be hurt 
To feel lost 
To be left out in the dark 
To be kicked when you’re down 
To feel like you’ve been pushed around 
To be on the edge of breaking down 
And no one’s there to save you 
No, you don’t know what it’s like 
Welcome to my life” 


No, no sabes lo que es
Cuando nada se siente bien
No sabes lo que es
Ser como yo
Ser herido
Sentirse perdido
Ser pateado en la oscuridad
Estar en el borde de la ruptura
Y no hay nadie para salvarte
No, no sabes lo que es;
Bienvenido a mi vida 



I find it ridiculous that at age 15 I’m having a problem with bullies. You’d think people would learn how to treat other people but they never do. I’m sick of being called terrible things and being told I don’t deserve to live. I’m sick of not feeling wanted. Most importantly, I’m sick of the power these assholes have over my life.


i used to eat my lunch alone in the bathroom at school and now next month i’ll be working in a studio with someone from one of my favourite bands. it’s kind of funny how things can change. i just want to throw a big ‘fuck you’ into the faces of those people who used to push me around and make me feel like a worthless piece of shit.



Can someone explain it to me.

I don’t get it. Maybe it’s because I’ve never thought about killing myself. Sure, i’ve hurt myself before. But I’ve never killed myself (. .   . obviously. otherwise i wouldn’t be writing this) But I mean, what’s so bad in your life that you have to kill yourself. I’ve thought about this. Maybe daddy beats and rapes you. Now. I’ve never been in this situation. So, i can kinda see why suicide would be a way out. (along with various versions of this senario) But why not kill him? Why not get help from the cops? Why not run away? ( maybe that isn’t an option) But killing yourself? If he found you, he can, and probably will, find someone eles.

Wait maybe that’s a bad example.

Let’s go to a less extreme.

Whiny babies who get yelled at by mommy and daddy because ‘no one understands them’. Is that better? I’mma go with a yes.

Now. I have a friend named Jacob. He keeps his phone on at all hours of the night because friends may call him about to commit suicide. (Just a thought. If they were really going to commit suicide, wouldn’t they just do it. Why would they call someone to talk them out of it? But hey!) Now i asked him to explain to me what could be so bad? he wouldn’t answer me. He just kept saying ‘just know that there is always someone who has it worse off than you’. Like i don’t know. My mom is a freaking Social Worker!!! I’ve heard way to many horrible stories. But even still. Those kids don’t kill themselves. And I’m pretty sure they’re getting the worst deal. At least those other people can pretent everything is all honky dorey. The kids in foster care? They have no privacy. They can pretend anything.

But i’m getting off subject. Foster kids- sorry- kids in foster care- is going to be for another blog.

But SUICIDE. I would love it if anyone could tell me whay is the point. I mean. it it’s so bad that you have to kill yourself. Then who would miss you? is it done so that people will feel sorry for their actions?

I’m sorry. But if they’re anything like me. They won’t be. I’d be sorry up to a certain point. Like: sorry for picking on you so much (in the case of bullies. another blog again. maybe this should be a series???) But i wouldn’t be sorry that you killed youself. It’s called self-esteem. (man! so many ideas for more blogs!! p.s. add abortion to the list)

UGHH i keep getting off subject. so far i think suicide is pointless because it doesn’t solve anything and no one would feel sorry for (you) the person. third. I asked my mom about this.

would the person go to hell?

This is obviously for those religous or spiritual people.

But i’m the religious person and the question still stands. My mom said yes. Because the Bible says ‘thou shall not kill’ and you’re killing yourself. i myself thought about it. Iand i see that as vaild. Even more so of the fact that you do not own urself. You  are God’s property. And you just can’t go around kiling his property without consequeses.

So yea. That’s my resons. do you agree or disagree. Tell me.

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